Your Daily Bush Horoscope

By Unknown


 * Libra: Your Capstone group is susceptible to groupthink, but don’t think you’re excluded from it.  You’re as much of the problem as anyone else.  Cat videos should remedy this situation.


 * Aries: Someone will use a government shutdown pickup line on you at North Gate this weekend.  Don’t take the bait.  It’s likely they have no further knowledge or employ opposite ideology.


 * Taurus: This month looks great for your internship search. Healthy application possibilities include Whataburger and Walmart.


 * Gemini: You’ll see one of your favorite contacts this month and have the chance for great dialogue!  One problem, you’ll likely be wearing a tie dye t-shirt, gym shorts, crocs, or a mixture of the three. Re-assess your life.


 * Cancer: Before you can say ‘government shutdown’ you’ll get lured into an annoying Facebook argument and end up looking like an ignorant idiot.  Tread carefully.


 * Leo: Serious danger awaits your favorite Blazer or Suit if you insist on eating in a rush or in your car this month.  Attending meetings in less clothes than planned is an awkward situation for all involved.


 * Virgo: Your family and friends will attempt to lure you into more political debates this month because “you’re studying to be a politician anyways right”? Run, fast and far.


 * Scorpio: Don’t celebrate too heavily about your internship applications being in yet. Your friends still have plenty of opportunities to mess up your security clearance.


 * Sagittarius: Confiding in a classmate may seem like a good idea at first, but saying “I almost cried the first time I saw the Capitol” really doesn’t sound as good out loud as it does in your mind.


 * Capricorn: Your “leadership skills” will emerge during intramurals this month.  Be careful as everyone else’s will too.


 * Aquarius: Your Bearfield group will completely quit talking to each other.  Breakups are tough, but… work hard.


 * Pisces: When talking about your school life, your friends may not recognize names of the upcoming speakers.  However, names like Monica Lewinsky and Anthony Weiner will catch their attention better.. be creative.